I had to lay off my team. All the endeavours my team and I have been working extremely hard on for the past year, endeavours on which we expended both significant time and money on (like my St Barth’s exhibition, my Bloomingdales trunk show, my Spring Collection) all paused without any further information. I quarantined with a brand new boyfriend who was the sweetest ever but it was way too much for me. I had a mental breakdown when I moved out of my apartment alone. A literal breakdown. Said goodbye to some people and had some jarring visual traumas. I don’t have my own home for the first time in my life (temporary and my alternative is extremely blessed, but still a thing for me.) I’ve gotten marriage proposals from friends. I’ve reached out to people who I thought were dead to me. I’ve had friends who have told me they are going through some seriously hard times right now, especially mentally. A good friend of mine almost died (not of COVID) and I didn’t even know. Everyone is God damn losing their minds.
There are only two things that are certain in life: we live and we die.
So here are my philosophies on life, based strictly on my own experiences. My life lessons have taught me that God can take you from this planet at any moment, at any age, and through whatever fate God chooses – whether from COVID, car accidents, cancer, whatever. You can jump off a building and survive, if God wants you to. Another quarantine special from one of my friends. People live and people die. So for every moment we are living and breathing, we need to be grateful and take advantage of our time here on our magnificent planet that is filled with both beautiful and ugly things. We need to start seeking the beauty in everything. Focus on the good things in people instead of the bad, and if you can’t find the good, then cut out the toxicity. Let it go. We need to start focusing less on others’ flaws and more on our own flaws and how we can self improve so we don’t perpetuate ugly cycles. We need to focus on the bad things within ourselves and seek to constantly be growing for the better – and self improvement takes hard work. Quarantine has given me the time to get back to routine, weekly therapy which has been invaluable for me during this time. I am not perfect and I have some serious baggage. The way I can best enjoy my future is to heal things that eat at me from my past. We have one life to live, and after being unhappily married for years and dealing with Juan’s passing, I vowed to myself to live each day to its fullest – quarantined or not. So this quarantine, my team and I have made some SERIOUS moves, I have tended to multiple levels of self care, and I am looking forward to a bright, even if it’s currently unstable, future.
I, personally, am thankful for quarantine. Though I haven’t exactly stopped for one minute, it has given me time to slow my roll, mentally. It has given me time to focus and think about what I truly want out of life, personally and professionally. And you know what I’ve learned? I am genuinely happy on the inside. I may not have everything I want right now – when do we ever? – but I have everything I need. I have healthy and blessed children, the most unbelievable friends and family who are each supportive in their own way (even if they drive me crazy), a team that is sharp, dedicated, and loyal, a career that I truly love and find fulfilment through, and my health. I can’t possibly ask for more. So these days, I am extra grateful.
This post is not meant to make you feel bad about yourself. It is meant to inspire you. If you are going through a hard time, I feel you. I’ve been there before, many times. You will pull through and get better if you put in the work. And then you’ll be stronger than ever. The brightest rainbows come after the darkest storms.
And on that note, I will be launching my podcast, Success by Design, this Tuesday, May 26th @ 9am. I created this podcast to motivate and inspire positivity through creativity, resilience, and hustle. I hope you tune in and give me some feedback and constructive criticism. I will say that developing this podcast has surprisingly been one of the most challenging endeavours of my career. In the beginning I felt so awkward and not confident with it. After recording the first few episodes, I got a bit more confident with it as I got the hang of it but I am still looking to improve so feedback is appreciated. The messages are there though and I promise to keep doing my best to make it better and better. Hope you tune in!
And check back here on the blog in a few days to read part 2 of my ‘Quarantine: Behind the Scenes’ to see what my team and I have been up to.