There are too many pretty pictures painted on social media, which I absolutely abhor because it’s not real and the glass houses that social media enables has detrimental affects on people who are suffering and think they are alone because they see everyone else’s ‘picture perfect’ lives. Remember that sometimes those who look the prettiest are suffering the worst. I’m writing these things because I never want to try and pretend to be something I am not. I myself am in the midst of a mental breakdown. My daughter spiked over 105 fever last night out of nowhere, and I was home alone with both kids and no help. I just let go of my weekend nanny (if you know anyone, please send them my way). I’ve had my kids for 16 nights straight, and I haven’t gotten REM sleep in over 2 weeks. I had two very important people in my life break my heart and betray my trust, one that completely blindsided me and the other that I need to take responsibility for, as I should have learned my lesson the first 3 times. I feel lonely, I feel rejected. I’m stressed about money. Lots of people make assumptions. My assistant is going abroad for 5 months and there is a lot of transition. I have a ton of responsibility on my shoulders and being a single mother of 2 who runs a still new and growing business, without any real prior experience, is hard.
All these things are pretty normal (for everyone), but it’s a lot hitting me at once and my lack of sleep is definitely taking its toll. I have learned that for every person who wants to see me succeed, there is also someone who wants to see me fail. But if I’ve learned anything about myself, it is that even when things are at their worst, I will NEVER fail. I am resilient and I am strong. I am confident, talented, kind, a good mother, and I genuinely love myself (though I am a continued work in progress.) I am not ashamed to say those things, nor do I think it makes me arrogant, as I’ve been told. So no matter how many life circumstances try to bring me down, I’ll never stay down. Even though I am crying today, I know I will smile tomorrow. And I might cry again the next day, but I know I’ll always keep smiling, no matter what, and I will always prevail. And I get a reminder every day from my 2 incredible children that I am doing a GREAT job, because incredible, kind, compassionate, and strong willed children don’t just happen. They are bred. And I am responsible for that. So as soon as I nurse my daughter back to health and get a little sleep, I’m sure life will be just fine. And in the meantime, I will lean on my family and friends to get me through the hard times.
My truest goal for the new decade is to achieve an internal sense of calmness and inner peace, letting go of the worry, and accepting God’s plan. I can say I want to be rich with money, I can say I want to find a life partner, I can say I want more kids, I can say I want many things. But really what I want is to be happy and grateful for everything I already have. The only thing I truly desire is happiness and tranquility, so whatever path takes me there, I hope I can continue to have faith in it and follow its’ lead with dignity, strength, and kindness.
Happy new year and happy new decade to everyone. In the spirit of 2020, which is perfect vision, I am wishing everyone clarity. The next time it turns a new decade, I’ll be turning 40!!! Definitely hope to have peace by then. Wishing everyone whatever it is that they desire and remember that our biggest struggles present our greatest opportunities for growth.
Next time I need to remind myself, I’ll just read the list below, or I will write ‘You are strong’ on my foggy mirror when I come out of the shower, as I often do when I need to pick myself up. But I can’t do it alone so – a humongous thank you to my team (you know who you are), my mentors, my friends, my family, my nanny, and to the individuals who genuinely want to see me succeed, because my art and my career are definitely huge contributors to my happiness and self love so for that, I am grateful for sure.
Fall 2018 – Year End 2019 Accomplishments
1. Power Mag ‘Rising Star’
2. Joe & The Juice collab
3. Launched ESC clutches
4. My designs featured (for free) on Bergdorf Goodman bus stop ads & NY Times Sunday Styles and in Neiman Marcus holiday gift guide
5. MP Pool Party, featured by Architectural Digest, Arch Digest Spain, Time Out, Curbed
6. Altoona placemats collab
7. Eden Rock St. Barth’s collaboration and solo exhibition
8. Leather Accessories collection development & launch
9. Knobs & luggage tags development and launch
10. Plaza Hotel – Chabad Batsheva exhibition
11. Tilebar collab – won ‘Best in Show’ @ Arch Digest Design Show & HD Expo, the largest hospitality convention in the country
12. Dubbed the next Andy Warhol by HauteLiving
13. WIN Summit panelist, backed by Columbia University
14. Pitched one of the largest wallpaper companies (didn’t get the deal but getting the presentation was a big deal)
15. Website and blog launch
16. Janovic collaboration – four 45’ buildings in NYC wrapped in my artwork and featured on 18 NYC bus stops
17. Wallpaper development
18. Rug development
19. UN Summit
20. Verified GIF Collection
21. Blatt Billiards collab, painted most creative work of my life
22. Page Six NY POST, multiple features
23. Podcast development
24. Tile featured in Casacor Miami and covered by Architectural Digest
25. Artwork featured by Vanessa Deleon in The Holiday House NYC, covered by Architectural Digest
26. Speaker at JWE Panel
27. ‘Just Breathe’ solo exhibition @ JCC
28. Group show @ SLS Hotel
29. ‘Success By Design’ podcast approved by Apple & Spotify
30. Plus, 110 people shared a picture of my boobs #winning